Rod Meredith's "Seven Laws of Radiant Health"
A number of years ago Roderick C. Meredith wrote "The Seven Laws of Radiant Health."1 This spoof of the article is not to imply that we don't ever need to be concerned about our health, or take care of our bodies in a balanced way, but its purpose is to show the foolishness of extremism, which is simply another way to manage every part of members' lives in a controlling system. Only parts from his health article are quoted and they will be indented.
"I will have order; I will have perfection!"
1. Maintain a Tranquil Mind
One of the least understood factors governing health is the profound effect that the mind has upon the body. It is becoming increasingly recognized that a large part of the common ailments of mankind are caused—not so much by the body—as the mind. Ulcers, indigestion, headaches, eyestrain, nervousness, and a host of other ailments—are often found to be directly caused by the condition of the mind—not the body.
How can one maintain a "tranquil mind" during 3rd tithe year?? What about all the stress one experiences during the Feast of Tabernacles, not to mention the indigestion one gets from eating out everyday, eating in a hurry between services, and eating late because the restaurant is packed and there's a long wait until the food comes? What about the "headaches" caused from fasting on the Day of Atonement? Seems that "obeying God's Laws" causes one to break the Laws of Health.
2. Food and Fasting
Take care that your food is properly prepared so as not to destroy the body-building elements. Avoid the starchy, greasy, sugary, spiced-up concoctions which may taste good at the moment, but which contain little of nutritional value and will in time wreck your stomach.
Stay away from those ice cream cones! Steer clear of Mexican food! Consign yourself to a diet of Metamucil (no starch, grease, sugar, or spices and it tastes nasty but you won't get constipated!). And you will live to be 90!
So drink six or eight glasses of pure water every day—preferably between meals, and never using it to wash your food down.
So if you bite into some horseradish on your Reuben sandwich, or that hot salsa that comes with the free chips, you better be prepared to "sweat it out." Better that, than commit a "physical sin" by gulping down a drink to cool your burning mouth. But then again, you might break the first Law of Health when you lose your tranquil mind because your eyeballs are watering from the pain! Of course, if you stayed on the Metamucil, this whole disaster would have never happened in the first place!
3. Cleanliness and Dress
And if we expect to be in Christ's spiritual body, His church, then we should also keep our physical bodies clean.
Regular care of the skin, hair, nails, and teeth and freedom from perspiration odor are essential to cleanliness and contribute to health.
A gift basket containing soap and deodorant will be issued to each new member. Regular members will undergo weekly inspections for acne, greasy hair, clean nails, properly brushed teeth and cavities. Volunteers to "sniff out" members who didn't wear deodorant are desperately needed!
Keeping your person, your clothes, and your living quarters clean will not only aid in promoting vigorous health, but will tend to keep your thoughts on a higher level and keep your closer to God.
Oh yes, I feel so much closer to God when I'm wearing clean underwear as I meditate in my clean house and my clean car. Never mind that I yelled at my wife and kids for disturbing my tranquil mind with all their messes and noise.
4. Sunshine and Fresh Air
At every opportunity, step outside and take a deep breath of pure, fresh air…Breathe deeply to be healthy…The more you breathe pure, fresh air, the more pep you will have, the brighter will be your color, the more alert you will be, and the better posture you will have.
Notice a crowd of people some time. Observe the various sizes and shapes—the fat people, the "pot-bellied" businessmen, and others who have no more meat on their bones than a scarecrow. Are these people made in the image of God?
Hmmm, Meredith hasn't noticed more than a few "pot-bellied" businessmen at Pasadena HQ's? So if one is sick for a few days, and can't exercise, has he broken the fifth Law of Health?
6. Sleep and Rest
Thousands of years ago, God knew and enunciated what many men still haven't found out—that in depriving yourself of sufficient sleep and rest you will accomplish not more, but less, in the end.
Okay, everyone, confess your sins. You stayed up too late to watch TV! Repent! Young mothers--ignore those crying newborns--don't lose any sleep. Get those "seven to nine hours" in and let the baby fend for himself. Dads, don't stay up too late during the "Night to Be Much Observed." Bypass all that tempting food and fellowship (and skip that sugared dessert so you don't break law number 2--and head home to bed. You have to get up early the next morning for all day services! You wouldn't want to put your life on the line "catching up on lost sleep" and snoring through the sermon! Don't chance breaking physical law number 7 (Avoid Bodily Injury) if you're caught snoozing! You'll pay a heavy price after committing that one!
7. Avoid Bodily Injury
Over 9,700,000 Americans were victims of accidental injuries in 1952! That is about one out of every 16 people.
Think of the millions of dollars lost in doctor and hospital bills, and of the countless work hours which were forfeited.
Millions of dollars that Meredith would love to get his hands on?
This is entirely unnecessary!
Oh, yes, All-Wise-and-All-Knowing Grand Poopah.
We have been a nation of reckless, careless people who defile and destroy our bodies not only with perverted foods, drinks, cigarettes and the like--but by carelessly injuring them. God says if we defile the temple of His Spirit, He will destroy us. (I Cor. 3:17;3 4:19)4
Just got to love Meredith's god! Ready to squash you for slurpin' that slushie!
We need to repent of abusing our God-given bodies!
I guess we must prostrate ourselves before Meredith and pay dear penance! I repent for accidentally falling off that ladder! I repent for that drunk driver running into my car! I repent for burning my hand when I lifted the hamburger off the grill! Oh, such heinous sins I have committed!
There is abundant information available regarding the prevention of accidents. The main thing is that you realize how seriously you should take this problem—and resolve to quit taking physical risks in your work or play.
Yes, live a dull, boring life--never take chances. Don't go skiing, don't learn to ride a horse, don't go sailing, etc. (Besides, that costs money and you want to give all you can to the church!)
One such careless moment can easily undo and wreck the physical well being you may have nourished for years.
Yes, stick to checkers and badminton. No, badminton might be too dangerous. You might get a birdie stuck in your eye. You might trip on the grass and twist your ankle! You might run into the Interstate highway going after the birdie. The world is such a dangerous place! Maybe you shouldn't bother getting out of bed.
It just doesn't pay.
Yes, the "church"5 can't get more money from somebody on disability!
Exit & Support Network™
June 23, 2005
1 The Plain Truth, January 1955.
3 I Cor. 3:17 does not refer to destroying individual Christians: "However a local church (you here is pl.) might come to the point where its structure is so weak that it collapses entirely or exists in name only, that is, it is destroyed. Paul did not want this to happen in Corinth (2 Cor. 11:3,13). If it did, the false minister would be paid back in kind by God Himself (an application of the OT lex talionis [Gen. 9:6; cf. 2 Cor. 11:15]). The destroyer would be destroyed (Matt. 41-42). The Bible Knowledge Commentary, 1983, p. 512." [Emp. ours]
4 Why is Meredith quoting I Cor. 4:19? "But I will come to you shortly, if the Lord will, and will know, not the speech of them which are puffed up, but the power." This doesn't have anything to do with God "destroying" someone.