| I am coming to the place in my
life spiritually where I see the absolute uselessness of
"shame." I have felt it over being in
Herbert W.
Armstrong's
religion, but I am overcoming it. I don't think that kind of shame is
either healthy or helpful. It doesn't draw us closer to God. I don't
ever want to influence others, even unintentionally, to feel shame for
being in the Worldwide Church of God or
Philadelphia Church of God. I
want them to be free from HWA's theology, but not to feel like a
"victim."
I know that I am not a victim.1
I chose to believe in HWA's theology for over 14 years. Deep down I
always knew there was something wrong with it, but I chose to believe it
anyway. I think that God had a purpose for me to be in the WCG and PCG.
There are no accidents in life. I take responsibility for being in those
"churches." If I continue to regard myself as a victim, then I will feel
powerless to change and grow. Taking responsibility doesn't mean that I
blame myself, it just means that I take responsibility for the fact that
I chose to be in the WCG and PCG, and that no one made me join or stay
in.2 I always had the power to leave, I just chose not to exercise it. I
will never neuter myself like that again. I do have the power that is
God-given and nobody can change that. If I choose to live with the
illusion that I don't have the power, then I will be unhappy. That is a
major lesson I learned from being in HWA's "churches." I am thankful for
that now.
It is my prayer and hope that
every current and former member will also learn from their experiences
in those groups and will be able to let go of the bitterness and shame. There is
nothing shameful about it really, we all were in there to serve
God. We just had an incorrect understanding of God.3 Now I know God much
better than I would have otherwise. And I know the Bible pretty well
too. Even knowing the Holy Days can be good. They don't have to be kept
anymore, but I think that knowing what they picture is pretty inspiring.
I never would have studied the Holy Days if I hadn't joined the WCG. My point is, I think that it is more
helpful to look on the bright side and be thankful for the past rather
than continue to feel shame, and mope about. (I still do sometimes, but I'm coming
out of it.)
Overall, being in the WCG and
PCG made me stronger in the present time. But I am, oh, so glad that I
am free of them and
HWA's theology.
It may sound like a paradox, but I am thankful I was in his religion and
I am glad that I am now out of it. There are no accidents. Everything
happens for a reason. God allows false teachers and prophets for a
reason. As the old saying goes, "God works in mysterious ways..."
By Brent (former member of WCG and PCG)
September 29, 2002
Footnotes by ESN:
1 From
Victim to Survivor (Transcription of Tape EX-2 by Founder of
ESN; includes recovery after involvement with an exploitive,
manipulative group)
2 It
is important to realize that we were influenced (and deceived) in powerful ways. Be sure and read: Principles
of Influence Used in Society and How
Did I End Up in a Spiritually Abusive Group?
3 The main
reason we had an "incorrect understanding of God" was because WCG and PCG
taught a false God and a false gospel, but we can come to know the true
God.
Getting the Group Out of Us (includes how guilt and
shame are always found in abusive systems)
Articles
For Those Who Were Emotionally and Spiritually Abused
Back to Stories
& Testimonies by Those Impacted by PCG
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