Sometimes I feel like a crumpled up piece of paper that someone has rolled up and thrown off into the corner and now I’m trying to get myself straightened out again. I’m struggling to make sense of everything spiritual. I keep trying, but I feel like I’m holding on by a string. What am I supposed to do? Pray more? Study more? Change my attitude and be positive more? If the answer is “the Lord” [as a Christian told me], then tell me why He isn’t working with me? I’m trying so much to understand what He’s really like and how He really feels about me. The only ones that can really help are those that validate you and that care about you, someone to sit down and say, “We care, we’re here for you, we’re praying, we’re with you.”
I can’t pretend with people that being in a cult never happened. It feels like some big black blotch on my life. It can also feel like someone has taken this sharp knife and taken a big part of my life–important relationships, times, events, experiences, struggles, and cut it out and threw it far away where I can never regain it. A great loss. And you are supposed to consider it all useless and of no concern anymore? A big part of your life–gone forever.
To understand, think of something that was wonderful, beautiful, that brought happiness, joy and peace. Then picture finding out it was perpetuated by an evil man who lived just the opposite. And then try to imagine what that does to your belief system. Plus, when you look back at the misery, depression and illness that later came to many, you realize it was caused by such a system.
By H. C.
Exit & Support Network™